"Get Over It"

I was talking to a friend today about how the hurts and trials in our lives can leave us reeling.  She had posted something on her blog that really resonated with me and we began talking about it.  It was the idea that Christian culture sometimes tells us we "shouldn't" be hurting or struggling with some problem in our lives, because we "should" always remember someone has got it worse than we do.  This sounds pious, but it sends a message that our pain is unimportant.  That's the message of Christian culture, but it's not the message of grace.  The message of grace is that it is okay to feel.  It's okay to be honest and say "I'm hurting."  The message of grace is that no problem is unimportant to God.  He cares about every hurt and doesn't compare our problems and reactions to other people's.  He knows our unique makeup and personality and background.  It's okay to have trouble in some area that other people seem not even bothered by.  It's okay to be who we really are and feel what we really feel in our pain.

Then my friend said something that ministered so much to me.  It was definitely a grace statement meant to heal some wounds inside me.  She said "It's okay not to ever get over it."

You see, a few years ago my family went through a tragic crisis.  This situation scarred our lives and its effects are still with us.  It is something we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives.  I went through great worry, fear and pain during and after this terrible time.  And now, a few years later, there is this guilt I have, thinking that I should have "gotten over it" by now.  I keep thinking I should be pain-free and worry-free and sadness-free.  I know other families who have gone through similar or worse things, and they seem to be doing so much better than me.  The message my brain hears is "Get over it."  Since I haven't gotten over this situation, since I still bear the pain, it's made me feel like I'm a "bad Christian."

But today God gave me this wonderful word through my friend:  It's okay not to ever get over it.  Our pain is real and valid.  I don't have to feel guilty about still feeling it years into this situation!  I don't have to get over it!  It's okay to hurt.  It's okay to cry.  It's okay to feel pain.  I felt this statement was giving me permission to let those feelings come out without any shame or guilt.  I am accepted just as I am by God and understood in my hurt.

One day the pain of this trial will be gone.  It will be perfect in heaven, and God will wipe away my tears.  Until then, I don't have to be ashamed to feel.  I don't have to feel ashamed to say, "I'm not over it."  And He is here in the midst with His healing presence in the midst of that pain.  He gives me permission to be real about my problems.  He accepts me and doesn't compare me to others.  He sees me in His Son, and that's perfection.  Yes, I believe God ministers to our hearts.  Yes, I believe He brings healing balm to our wounds.  But I am so thankful that He loves and accepts me, feels my pain with me and isn't telling me to "get over it."

Thank you to my friend, Courtney, for sharing with me, and thank You, God, for loving me and my family through all the  pain and never letting us go!  May all who stop by feel freed to just BE before the God who never rejects us but accepts us as we are in all our troubles and has compassion on us.

                           With love,