Jesus washed the disciples feet..what was He saying through that act of servanthood and humility? I love what my friend Woolly hears Him saying to us in that act:
“You might not understand what I’m doing now, but you will, you’ll get
it yet. See, a person’s feet get dirty from the journey that they are
on, but not the rest of him/her. By what I’m doing here on this Earth,
living and dying for you, I’m going to show you that you are already
clean and that you’ll only get dirty from the journey that you’re on.
you’re on your journey through this world you’ll feel pretty dirty on
the outside, all of those outside bits, the bits that are outside of
your heart, outside of that special place where we already are One.
Those bits that are subject to the troubles of this world, your faults,
your failings and how you feel because of your circumstances or
upbringing or religion or culture, all of the things which are put upon
you by forces outside of your control, they’ll all make you feel
unclean, but you’ll come back to me and I’ll make you clean once again.
want you to go and live and whenever you get dirty, go and find me in
each other and let them clean you up once again, let them remind you of
who you really are deep down underneath all the layers, all of the dirt.
If you can, go and find me in a still place and remember who you are,
who I say you are. And don’t worry, I’ll see you again, one day all the
layers will fall away once again and you’ll plainly see that there was
nothing to fear all along the way.”
Isn't this such a relief to know? The dirt and grime we see, that makes us feel we are so dirty, is only outer muck and unrelated to the treasure we truly are beneath. Through it all, we've never been anything but clean and holy deep down. Jesus knew that all along, and He makes sure we know it, too. To realize this in the ultimate way is to truly know that "There was nothing to fear all along the way.." :)
Hey Sparrow, your posts are always a relief from the burdens to perform that we feel all the time.
My journey in grace has not been the most simple at all. I have (I think) come to know grace and believe in God's UNCONDITIONAL love for me. But it doesn't make it easier. I still do my bad habits, I still procrastinate, in short to summarize I still sabotage myself.
I wonder if it because I think I now know so much about his love and grace, and think that sin should have lost its thrill by now. Deep within I know and really understand that God isn't angry with me, but I cannot stand my self. Most of the time I forgive myself, and my general disposition is to nurture myself, treating myself with kind words. I know this because, that's the way I love to be treated and I also treat people like that. I guess that growing from a poor student to an above-average student through the help of nurturing teachers has help instill the attitude of patience in my everyday life. But that is as far as it goes.
At the very core I struggle with the idea or even possibility of God's unconditional love. No matter how much I claim to embrace and believe the gospel of grace, I find it very hard to reconcile why its taking me forever to change especially after encountering grace. For how long wil I continue forgiving my self. I think that's the hardest part. It is one thing to love God with all your heart and still continue to sin but believe that He loves you and has forgiven you no matter what, and its is another thing to feel forgiven.
I hope to hear from you.
Hey there Anon, I have felt much the same way that you describe here. I love how you talk about generally being forgiving and nurturing towards yourself, that is so beautiful!ReplyDelete
I have thought a lot about your concerns and have put some thoughts in a blog post titled, "How can I love and forgive myself?" published today, Aug. 18, 2015. Hope it's meaningful to you in some way, but if not, that's okay too, I know God will show you deeply the answers you desire!